Myth Manners- On Hospitality

Plagued by jealous gods? Bedeviled by man-eating monsters? In love with a centaur but you're allergic to fur? Maybe Myth Manners can help you!



Dear Myth Manners,

I know we’re supposed to respect the gods by showing all visitors hospitality, but my husband and I are really having a hospitality problem. We’ve been respectable goatherds all our lives and never had any issues before, but we just moved to be closer to our daughter and our new son-in-law, and our home is now right beside a public thoroughfare. We have visitors stopping in at all hours of the day and night, and if we have to slaughter any more goats to feed them, soon we won’t have a herd left to goatherd! Because we give the best bed to our guests, my husband and I haven’t even had a chance to sleep in our own bed in the new house yet. The gods can’t mean we’re supposed to be this hospitable, can they?

Sincerely, Harried by Hospitality

Dear Harried,

I’m afraid that the gods are absolute on this one: you must offer everyone who comes to your house hospitality. There’s a couple who lives a few towns away from me in Phrygia who had Zeus and Hermes come to visit in disguise. They offered hospitality where the rest of the town didn’t: now they’re the only ones alive.

Of course, every visitor that comes to your doorstep can’t be a god! But every time you refuse to honor the laws of hospitality, you’re risking your death. Perhaps think about moving away from the thoroughfare?

Myth Manners- On Mocking the Gods

Plagued by jealous gods? Bedeviled by man-eating monsters? In love with a centaur but you're allergic to fur? Maybe Myth Manners can help you!



Dear Myth Manners,

Whenever I’m at the local taverna and I’ve had a skinful of wine, I have an irresistible urge to make fun of the gods. I can’t help it! I just think some of the things they do are so ridiculous! For example, why in the world would Zeus choose to go courting in the form of a swan, a bull, or a shower of golden rain, no matter how attractive a shower of rain he was? Why would Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite waste one of Atlas’ golden apples on Paris, whose only redeeming quality was his hotness? Sometimes, the gods just make me want to giggle! But I feel like if the gods find out I’m laughing at them, they’re not going to be happy. But they shouldn’t be that mad, right? Honestly, what’s the worst that can happen?

Sincerely, Giggling at the Gods

Dear Giggling,

Unfortunately for you, the gods have a serious problem with people who point out their negative qualities. Think of them as teenagers, super-sensitive to any slight or insult, but with the powers of shape-changing, thunder and lightning, super-strength, weather-changing, etc. You don’t want to make them mad!

I had a friend recently who wove a tapestry to illustrate how ridiculous the gods were. Athena came and changed her into a spider! Granted, tapestries are a lot more permanent than taverna gossip, but I wouldn’t chance it if I were you!

Myth Manners- On Refusing the Gods

Plagued by jealous gods? Bedeviled by man-eating monsters? In love with a centaur but you're allergic to fur? Maybe Myth Manners can help you!



Dear Myth Manners,

I’m a priestess of the goddess Artemis. One day, when I was in a forest on the edge of the ocean, Poseidon came up to me and started flirting. He’s super strong and handsome, and I like him a lot! But I know that Artemis won’t be happy about that. My first instinct is to risk all for love, but I’m not sure what I’m risking! Can you tell me how Artemis might react if I start dating Poseidon?

Sincerely, Aquatically Attracted

Dear Attracted,

When you make a commitment to one of the gods, it’s hard to get out of it – even with a commitment to another god. Something similar happened to one of my friends a few years ago, except she was a priestess of Athena, and when Athena caught her dating Poseidon, she ended up being turned into a monster (snakes for hair and everything!) for the rest of her life. But if you turn down Poseidon – well, drowning might be the least of your problems. I’m afraid this is not a situation you have any hope of getting out of safely.